Embrace truth; embrace love.

Jesus is helping me get rid of this stupid lie I’ve been holding on to for so long about what is lovely and beautiful. I don’t think I’m the only one who has struggled or is struggling with this, so it’s the only reason I feel secure and urged to share this. 

Sometimes I would be in the company of someone who may not be “physically attractive” by the world’s standards and there’s this internal dichotomy within me—knowing full well that they are beautiful and seeing their inner beauty, but why do I still feel like I’m compensating for something in my affection toward them? I love them so much. I don’t actually think any less of them. But this lie creeps in… It’s even more difficult with those who have very opposite personalities from me, very different senses of humor, or who may have some kind of mental or emotional issues. It’s very hard to block out the lies.

But what I learned in this situation is just don’t give in to the lies! If you think “Why do I still feel this way?” then don’t think about it and it will pass. It’s a lie, it will only become a truth if you let it sink in too deep. Just focus on the person in front of you, and hold on to that love you feel for them. 

I have a friend who has a very different sort of beauty. She might not be attractive by the world’s standards, she might not have that personality that shouts “I need to hang out with this person more often”. I set a time to spend with her, thinking I would only be there a short while and ended up staying the whole afternoon and evening up until midnight. Truth is, when I shut the door in front of those lies when they came knocking, the more time I spent with her the more lovely she seemed to me. I feel like for the first time in my life I really understood what it meant to see another through Christ’s eyes—to not just see past flaws as if they were obstacles I needed to do mental acrobatics to avoid so I wouldn’t feel like a bad person, but that her flaws were actually transformed into beauty somehow. Her appearance and personality didn’t actually change, but yet somehow it was as if the flaws weren’t there anymore. Not at all like how some people can consider garbage piles that exist without any meaning as art and lose all sense of taste, but more like how a mother sees a handmade card from her child and it’s worth more than any Hallmark product could ever be because it is filled with love and care. I didn’t care for her any more or less in that moment, but I felt overwhelmed with this pure, agape love that I know only comes from God. It’s very difficult to explain, and words do not suffice to explain.